Raising children while caring for your parents is a special kind of balancing act. Your senior may feel like they’re in the way. Your kids may act out when they sense that you are stressed about the responsibilities. Some reasons why your children might act out are:
- Anxiety about changes in the family dynamic
- Sadness about the changes they see in their grandparents
- Feeling ignored when the parent’s attention is elsewhere
- Sensing they’ve been demoted in the family hierarchy
- Fear of what might happen in the future
While adults can reason away most of these fears, children do not
yet have the same coping mechanisms. As their parents, it’s important
to give them the tools to handle change and chaos. Here are some
ideas to help you get a handle on the stress:
Breathe! This may seem obvious, but studies have
shown that when someone is stressed, they can
forget to breathe. Taking mindful breaths will help
increase oxygen to your brain and help you make
better decisions.
Say “Yes!” when someone offers to help.
Let them take your children and/or your parents
for an outing to give you a couple of hours to
collect yourself.
Make yourself a priority. It is hard to find the time
or the energy but a little self-indulgence each day
will help ease the edges of a rough time. Even if
it’s just a piece of chocolate, a half-hour soak in
the tub, or a call with a trusted friend.
Hire help. Having someone, like A Remedy Home Care take care of the
cleaning, grocery shopping, or other household
tasks is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you
are putting yourself on the priority list.
Look into institutional help. Often school social
workers, guidance counselors, or your faith
communities can suggest services to help ease
the burdens.
Share your concerns with your children, keeping
it age appropriate. Your children will benefit from
a solid discussion about what is happening with
their grandparent and may even have ideas for
how they can help. “Helping” is one way to ease
their own fears and give them a sense of control.
Allow your parent to participate in decisions
about their care. If appropriate, discuss with them
the challenges of a multi-generational family and
allow them to help out. Perhaps they are slower at
housework, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t
or are unwilling to help out.
Intergenerational programs can benefit older adults through improved
physical and mental health, enhanced socialization, improved sense of
self-worth, and increased independence. Those with dementia have
experienced lowered levels of agitation, improved attitudes about other
generations and, often, delayed necessity for entrance into care facilities.
It is hard to be the sandwich generation, caught between the family that
raised you and the family you are raising, but there are ways to make it
work and even to make it an enriching time in all of your lives.
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